Posts tagged ‘sexting’

March 13, 2011

Textually Active

Before I get to some texting tips I wanted to mention that the more I continue with this blog the more I’m finding that I seem to be focusing less on things that are rude/impolite and more on that which is just downright annoying. Then again, maybe avoidance of obnoxious behavior is the way to be polite nowadays…Just a random thought.


WARNING – The following might be a tad persnickety.

-Autocorrect-
Sometimes I don’t mind that my cell phone wants to predict what I want or will correct my mistakes for me. Other times, technology works against you. Just take half a second more to proofread your texts.

-Fwds-
I love a good joke as much as the next person but unless it is gut-bustingly funny, pass on forwarding it to everyone on your contact list. Along the same vein, stop chain letters in their tracks.

-One word responses-
Just no. I’m not advocating entire full blown conversations via text but there are few things more aggravating then getting a text that only says things like:

  • k/kay/ok.
  • ya.
  • lol.

You might as well come out and say that you don’t want to talk to me.

-Timely Responses-
I understand that people get busy and that you can’t possibly spend all of your time texting, but try to respond in a timely manner. This is especially true if you’re the one to initiate the conversation. On the other hand, keep in mind that sometimes a response isn’t needed least you get that pesky one word response.

-When/Where-
I’m terribly guilty of being on my phone while I’m with friends and it isn’t the way to go. Put the phone away when in social situations – pay attention to the people around you (especially on dates). Also, text in appropriate places. Obviously during a movie isn’t one. Keep the “Bathroom Rule” in mind.

-While Driving-
Another thing you simply don’t do. This isn’t even about manners, it’s about safety. Nothing is so important that you need to endanger your life or the lives of others.

-With a Purpose-
There is nothing wrong with shooting the breeze with someone but I find the “Hey. Hi. Done.” conversations to be useless.

-Under the Influence-
I know the old adage that a drunken man’s words are a sober man’s fault, but put the phone away while you’re intoxicated. Very few good things come from drunk texting. (Despite what Texts From Last Night and My Drunk Texts want you to believe. It’s only funny when it isn’t happening to you.)

-Sexting-
Who you text and what you text should be private. Always ensure that any explicit content is wanted by the other party. Remember that you never actually know who might have possession of that phone. Beware of unintended recipients.

-Mass Texting-
Just because communicating with each other is easier, that doesn’t mean it should be any less personal. I appreciate wishing me a happy holiday, but some of the sincerity is taken away when you send the same message to everyone.

February 13, 2011

Digi-Dating

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Cartoon couple cuddled, looking at a heart

Plenty of Fish, E-Harmony, Match.com, etc. Those websites might be familiar to you as popular dating websites. That list, however, is far from complete – the number of dating sites is exhaustive, each offering to serve specific needs (JDate – “The Premier Jewish Community Online for Dating Jewish Singles,” for instance). The prevalence of those sites and others has even sparked interest in academia.

In addition to the websites to help you find a date, there is no shortage of ways to communicate with that date digitally – texting, instant messaging, emailing, skyping. It certainly is easier to keep in touch with others, butwhether or not technology’s influence on matters of the heart will ultimately be positive remains to be seen. What about new dating dilemmas? That, however, isn’t exactly the question I’m looking to answer. I’m more concerned about how to stay cordial in the face of ever changing tools of communication.

Traditional social codes have been supplanted by choices, risks and uncertainties that are a component of the consumer society. – Anthony Giddens as cited in “The Formation of Social Rules for Digital Interactions

Kristina Grish’s book The Joy of Text – Dating, Mating, and Techno-Relating, is interested in just that – how the rules of etiquette having changed. Her advice does seem to be geared solely to women. Sorry fellas. A more balanced approach may be found on the Dating Digital Podcast.

FINDING A DATE ON A DATING SITE

  • Have a good idea of what you’re looking for. Romance, Friendship, or something else.
  • Be upfront about who you are. Don’t “fudge” personal details or be misleading.
  • There is no need to post all of your personal information.
    • After you send something out, you don’t have control over who sees it or how it is dealt with.
  • Don’t feel obligated to go on a date with every person that shows interest.
  • Avoid stalking.

ON A DATE

  • Keep an open mind.
  • Don’t call or text excessively. Focus on your date – not your technology (phone, iPod, etc).
  • Be respectful of your date’s concerns, opinions, and beliefs.

GENERAL TIPS

  • Don’t rely only on texting, emailing, and the like if you can help it.
  • Understand that tone can be lost in the text format.
  • Lack of instant responses doesn’t mean lack of interest. Be patient.
  • Keep the details of your relationship off Facebook if you want that information private.
  • Don’t update your social media with disparaging things. If you have an issue, go directly to your partner.
  • Break up in person. (Unless your situation makes this impossible).
  • Beware of sexting –

The act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones – Wikipedia.

¤ Keep these private. (A friend of mine gave me her old phone and forgot to delete a few texts of a rather personal nature).

¤ Make sure the recipient actually wants content of a sexually explicit nature.

Caroline Giegerich also wrote an article for Huffington Post with more helpful tips. Nobody wants technology to sabotage their relationship.

♥ The main thing to remember is to be yourself and be open & honest.


(Graphic via The Digital Scratch Pad, shared via Creative Commons)